Dear Myself

Reasons to hate myself.

2007-12-10T11:41:39Z

Dear Myself,
Recently I have began to hate myself more and more. I have 3 papers due very soon and can't even concentrate long enough to write much. It is times like these that I ask myself 'Why are you so stupid?', 'Why can't you just keep focused?', and 'Why am I so stupid?'. :Sigh:, I'm afraid to see my grade for this semester. There is too much stress built up from these cursed papers. I wish they would just disappear.

I thought I would feel better after I wrote all this down but it doesn't appear so.

The TRUE benefit to learning a foreign language.

2007-10-08T06:13:27Z

I know that the main benefit to learning a foreign language is so that you may converse with those from other countries; however, today I found out the true benefit.
Sometimes you feel like you need to say something aloud but don't want others to know. Well this is me saying what I need to aloud.
I watched a few asian dramas recently and it got me thinking 'Ah, kono ai wo utsukushi. Watashi mo hoshi. Soshite, watashi wa sabishi, kanashi, hitoribotchi.'

Rantings to myself.

2007-06-27T09:30:48Z

There are many times a day that my thoughts begins to wonder in the vastness of my continuous worrying mind. I try not to think too much about the concerns and stress accumulated in my thoughts, however, I fear that there are times when I cannot help but continue to worry.

I've been searching for a job to earn money for college classes this fall. Sadly, I have yet to find one. Hopefully one of the seven places I have applied to will hire me, however, as time passes by the chances are becoming slimmer. Why is it that I am unable to find a job that is hiring? Trying to not let it get to me, I indulge my mind into other various thoughts that sometimes become more useless than before.

Drawing and reading are some hobbies that I enjoy from time to time. However, I realize as time passes by that I have pushed such activities out of sight as of late. There are many times that I want to pick up a pencil and draw, but then I can't think of what to draw and become sidetracked. I hate this fickle side of me. One minute, I decide that I want to do something or go somewhere, then the next I convince myself not to go or do whatever activity it was that I would have done.

These words are just my random rantings that I needed to release from my system. I hope to rid myself of them.

Going to Pass Out.

2007-04-25T23:01:47Z

Dear Myself,

I'm so sleepy from staying up all night again. Luckily, I managed to finish my paper and oral report (don't know how). I've been sitting at the computer for around 30 minutes and now I'm drowsy. I do need to get to the college by 8 in the morning to finish our video project for english comp. 1....

... Sorry, I just dozed for a second there.

Stress is killing me.

2007-04-23T04:58:42Z

Dear Myself,

I'm still working on my argumentation paper on Stem Cell Research. Not only do I need to write out an outline but I also need to write out the paper by tomorrow. Sigh.... I also have to study for a final that is tomorrow. I can't take the stress. I just want to sleep for 12 hours or at least have the paper due in 2 more days than in the morning.

I had another one of those weird dreams.
There was a pregnant woman walking down a side walk and I was walking next to her. All of the sudden the ground began to give way. Supposedly, there was a drop a few stories high. We began to fall, and while trying to keep the woman from getting too hurt, I was falling down the rugged cliff like drop. We survived and the woman was a little injured but okay.

After I woke up and was on the computer, I went to gaijinpot.com and saw, in the news on the main page, a story about a pregnant woman that had fallen from her 2 story veranda.

Pregnant woman loses baby after falling from veranda

8:06pm Saturday, April 21

MINOKAMO, Gifu -- A heavily-pregnant woman fell from her second-floor veranda when a handrail collapsed, forcing doctors to deliver her baby by Caesarean section, police said. The child died shortly later.

The 33-year-old woman, who was seven months pregnant, was drying a futon over the handrail on the veranda of her apartment in Minokamo, Gifu Prefecture, on Thursday afternoon, when it collapsed, causing her to fall around four meters to the ground.

She was taken to hospital, where doctors performed an emergency Caesarean section to try and save her child. The baby died about eight hours later. The woman suffered serious pelvic injuries.

Police officers said that the 2.5-meter-wide handrail was attached to the veranda's floor by more than 10 screws, but that most had worked loose. (Mainichi)

In physical and mental pain...

2007-04-18T02:16:14Z

Dear Myself,

Not only do I have a research paper due, but I also have an oral report due. It is driving me crazy >.<. The worst thing is that I can't even find the information needed for them. I look and look and look and nothing... Frankly I want to just not do it at all. Too bad I can't do that. To top it all off, I had a post test in wellness yesterday and not my legs are killing me.

Even though I am fighting for my sanity, I'm afraid that I'm loosing.

I hope that I can get enough research done before tomorrow. I only wish that I had more than 3 hours to do it in. Sigh.....

Thanks for listening.